Got a toothbrush?
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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