Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
