Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Randomize