you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
