Me. At least after what I've been through.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
