Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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