John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
