I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
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