I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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