Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
