Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
