I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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