I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
