So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
