I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Randomize
