I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Randomize
