i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
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