I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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