I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize