I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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