I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
