im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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