You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
