thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
