What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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