I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
