just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
