He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
