Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Randomize
