Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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