just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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