It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
