Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
