At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
You are a genius and a whore.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
