We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
