If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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