first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
