Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
