oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
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