Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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