i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
