please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
