Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize