I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
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