I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
