Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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