I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
