at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
