Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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