Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
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