WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
