Midget sex pt 2 tonight
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
