Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
