I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Sext me about skeletons
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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