ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Buhtt sex?
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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