I want to make a zoo with you.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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