shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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