I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
i think my cat just said my name.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Randomize
