So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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