i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
