Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
