this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
