She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Randomize
