I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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