I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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