I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I need water and some morals
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
