dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
