If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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