She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
How does it feel to date your dad?
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
