I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
