the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
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