you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
