pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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